Life on Route 435. Again.

Today was interesting. First off, it was hailing this morning so it made waiting for the bus miserable (I was wearing a skirt and it was windy and cold). I woke up a bit later than usual today, so I was putting my makeup on at the bus stop. As I was putting my eyeliner on, some super friendly lady walked up to me. "Good morning," she said. "Can I get you to read this magazine? We're trying to get people into their Bibles." I knew right away she was probably a JW, so I asked her, "What is your organization?" And sure enough she was a JW. I told her I wasn't interested and she walked away.

Nothing too much out of the ordinary in terms of the bus ride down to work. I walked on the opposite side of the sidewalk this morning so I could purposely avoid that newspaper man who is ALWAYS there on the corner of 4th and Union.

On my way to the bus stop to come home some dude was walking and he had--not kidding--5 watches in his hand. Not on his wrist, in his hand. Dangling. Like he jacked them from someone or something sketchy like that. Anyway, I was trying to avoid getting too close to him since I was paranoid that he was stealing people's watches from off their wrists (even though I don't currently wear a watch). Well then he started talking. I've gotten really good at pretending like I can't hear the person who is talking to me (it's easy to do Downtown since the street noise is so loud and there are people everywhere). "Hey, is that Chanel for her perfume you got on?" he asked. Well I don't know how he could smell anything on the street, let alone the perfume he thought I was wearing. Oh, and since I woke up late today I didn't put mine on. And for the record, I don't wear Chanel!

So today wasn't too horrific, but like most days I came home with stories to tell of the weird people I "met" while going to and from the office. Later.

Asian, yet not very Asian

So I took a class in editorial & opinion writing last semester; here is the column I wrote as part a class assignment. It's about Asians. I figure I can write about Asians since I'm Asian.
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“Aren’t you super good at math?”

“Where are you from? When did you come to the U.S.?”

“Do your parents get mad if you don’t ace your tests?”

“How many instruments do you play?”

These questions are somewhat difficult to answer, not because I can’t answer them, but because people always ask those questions when they find out that I’m half-Japanese and half-Chinese. It’s not easy being Asian. Maybe I should clarify: It’s not easy being Asian when you don’t fit the typical Asian template-of-a-person. Maybe that’s a good thing.

You see there are several types—or “breeds” as I like to call them—of Asians. Not in reference to which Asian country we originated from, but rather which Asian stereotype we fit.

For those who are unfamiliar with the true Asian stereotypes, let me be the first to inform you of the common stereotypes.

The Boater—is the individual who apparently just ended his or her trip from across the seas to make a better life in America. Aviation has been around for a long time, but for some reason Asians still prefer water passages and cargo containers.

The Brainiac—is the individual whose parents have taught him or her to view anything less than a 100 percent as bad. Not even 99.9 percent is good enough. These same individuals are often members of Math Club, Chess Club, Orchestra and the National Honor Society (if not full IB or AP too).

The Tourist—is the individual who can be spotted 832 feet away with his or her fanny pack (if you thought those left in the 80s, think again), SLR camera and sun visor. These individuals set themselves apart from the traditional tourist with their innate desire to take pictures. Of everything. They not only snap photos of everything, but also strike the traditional Asian pose by holding their fingers in the recognized “peace” sign.

The Virtuoso—is the individual who can play at least one instrument, flawlessly. Usually the piano is the instrument of choice, but violin comes in a close second. Ever hear of the Suzuki method? These individuals spend hours upon hours at the piano bench perfecting each arpeggio passage until it can be played while blindfolded—this I know from experience.

The Recycler—is the individual who saves anything that could potentially be used to store food, even if it is supposed to be a “disposable container.” With used (and rinsed) yogurt containers, Styrofoam boxes and Starbucks cups, why waste money on expensive Rubbermaid, Tupperware or Pyrex containers?

So there you have it—common Asian stereotypes. They do exist and I know people who may or may not be closely related to me who fit into one or more of the above categories. For me, I eat rice almost every day and I play the piano. Thankfully, that’s where the stereotypes end for me. I’m thankful to have grown up in the U.S. and have experienced both American and Asian culture.

Instead of getting offended by the stereotype jokes, I try instead to find ways to laugh at the jokes in ways non-Asians can’t. Sometimes I wish people would lay off the Asian jokes because they think both they and the stereotypes are funny—because I’ll let you in on a little secret: Laughing hard at all the Wasians and Twinkies (what Asians call non-Asians who try to be or understand Asians) out there is a whole lot funnier than any stereotype about us will ever be.

You asked for it . . .

Or maybe you didn't, but here is a streak of my sarcasm coming out. Beware. Here are some quotes that I find pretty funny.


"Writing fiction is great. You can make up anything."

"It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it."

"I’m a classic example of all humorists — only funny when I’m working."

"If you’re one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you."

"Death is hereditary."

"The more studying you did for the exam, the less sure you are as to which answer they want."

"There are three stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus; he doesn’t believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus."

"Behind every successful man there is a surprised woman."

"You are unique. Just like everyone else."

"Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious."